Haters Gonna Hate: How to Deal With It
Right now, Hey Shenee is all about showing up online. This week is all about taking bomb photographs but I want to talk about another price we pay for deciding to show up as our true selves online.
How do we deal with haters?
I am not sure what your life is like my friend. I would hope that you are feeling FULLY supported and that you know how awesome you are but sometimes, it just doesn’t work that way, right?
Sometimes people just don’t like the way we show up in the world and will want to tell us about it.
Some advice is great. I drop typos like it is MY JOB. I have no idea why god made me a great writer and a terrible speller, but i’ll take it. I appreciate every polite “girl, you got a typo — GO GET IT” that I get.
As you come up in the world and things start happening for you (you get noticed, you start making money), that advice might come with a little edge.
Trust me, I NEVER thought this would be something I needed to deal with but it happens.
It is the price for being awesome.
I mean, Kanye West talks about it ALL the time.
I recently had an encounter like this and I wish I could say that I handled it with grace and took what I needed from it but I DID not. I think I was just surprised and it was a blow to my ego. The tone of the advice also made me want to kick some shins, yo.
I let her have it. I was angry and upset. Who the hell did she think she was? All up in my inbox! And guess what? Some of what she said was actually valid but the delivery prevented me from hearing it.
We had some back and forth and then she said one thing that made me realize something:
She got me. I gave her EVERYTHING she wanted.
I let her take my joy away and I made it WAY too easy for her. She took MY power away. Boy, I learned a lot from that incident.
This might come up in your life. Maybe you have a family member who likes to poke holes in all of your ideas. Maybe you have a friend who gives you the “who DO YOU think you are?” look. Maybe you have a blog reader who delights in fighting with you in the comments and being super picky about things. Maybe you know someone who always has a good point but the delivery sucks.
And it is gonna sting.
Look, here is the deal:
You are reading this right now because you are the type of person who wants to create a life that you can really love.
You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. You really don’t.
Sometimes we think because we do what we do, we owe people an explanation, but we really don’t. People might have problems with what you do and how you do it and that is THEIR business.
I should have said:
“I’m sorry you felt that way, thanks for reaching out.”
We can ONLY do the best we can. We can only do what we do. We can only be devoted to being true to ourselves.
If we try to accommodate people and THEIR issues, we trip up.
Marie Forleo always says this thing about treating every customer with respect and I TOTALLY believe that but we also owe it to ourselves and the work we do to be both respectful and make sure people know that YOU are the boss. Not them.
And we will make mistakes, there will be typos and things will happen but we take care of them the best we can.
We say sorry to the people who TRULY deserve it.
Here is a quick shorthand for knowing when advice or critique is meant for you:
It comes from a place of respect and compassion
You hear it and don’t feel shame but expansiveness. You are eager to make some changes
It comes from clients who have first-hand experience with your brand
So when you start REALLY coming up and showing out, remember this lesson. Re-read this post and hold this to your heart.
“You don’t owe anyone an explanation. You can only be responsible for the vision you have for yourself. Not the one other people have for you.”
How do you feel about this topic? Have you had to deal with haters in your business now? What do YOU do to deal with it?
Don’t forget: CHEESE! is happening over at my facebook page. Yesterday we played with Pinterest. Check it out.
Ah, the benefit of hindsight . . . sending you <3, gorgeous face xo
@NikkiGroom <3 <3 I am sure this will NOT be the last time you will learn a lesson from my craziness haha
You might recall my down and out post in our private FB group with Denise a few weeks ago. I was going through almost the same thing. I didn’t react the same way you did but I was very hurt and wounded by it.
Hugs!
@cosminsky It is REALLY difficult and I wish I would have had more grace but we live and learn!
@heyshenee At least you exploded on mean-britches and it didn’t take it out on someone else or the whole world.
I had a similar experience today when I gave a free reading to a person who asked for it. Right in the middle of it, she gives me a very backhanded comment. I was annoyed at the time but after the whole session was done and over I WAS PISSED. I only give and do my best so when someone comes at me because I’m not giving the answers she “wants” to hear, it offends me a lot. But learning to make it okay to be offended and getting that steam out (in a constructive manner) helps x10 fold. Not only that, but I learned to further filter out what I’m willing and not willing to do for people, because quite frankly I’m not McDonald’s. If you think you can pout and get what you want just because I’m giving a service (free at that) you are so wrong.
It’s nice to hear “real” personal life experiences from people that are trying to make a successful business!
I love what I do and I will continue to do it whether another person likes it or not.
Great blog post!
@InnerChild7 Yes! It is essential to filter out the people who are NOT right for what we are doing ASAP. That helps protect us from it. We also have to manage people’s expectations. That is a big part of it too.
What a timely topic! I have definitely had my share of haters. In fact, one hater was so brutal, it prompted a blog post out of me that actually went viral (for me!) so I must say that I have learned to appreciate the gifts my haters give to me.
Every time someone has something mean to say, I “try” to take it with a grain of salt. It still stings but it gets easier. Our egos want to be loved but our businesses need to stand out so if we get haters, I believe that is a telling sign that our message is being spoken loud and clear. Who needs another watered down message? Bring on the fire!
@Kimberly Riggins Yes, great point! It’s NOT about us. It’s about our businesses, right? It’s about being clear and being focused. Love this. Thanks Kimberly!
My mantra ” It is NONE of my damn business what others think of me”
I really am grateful for your site and all of this good, timely information. As someone just starting my online prof. presence I am taking away pearls I tell ya, pearls! sherryshone
It always surprises me when anyone takes time out of their fulfilling life to hate on me. How fortunate they are that that is the biggest problem they have is what I’m doing!
I’m glad you worked through it. It can feel hurtful because it feels so personal, and I don’t think you ever completely get over that pinch when you hear it, though!