Haters Gonna Hate: How to Deal With It
Right now, Hey Shenee is all about showing up online. This week is all about taking bomb photographs but I want to talk about another price we pay for deciding to show up as our true selves online.
How do we deal with haters?
I am not sure what your life is like my friend. I would hope that you are feeling FULLY supported and that you know how awesome you are but sometimes, it just doesn’t work that way, right?
Sometimes people just don’t like the way we show up in the world and will want to tell us about it.
Some advice is great. I drop typos like it is MY JOB. I have no idea why god made me a great writer and a terrible speller, but i’ll take it. I appreciate every polite “girl, you got a typo — GO GET IT” that I get.
As you come up in the world and things start happening for you (you get noticed, you start making money), that advice might come with a little edge.
Trust me, I NEVER thought this would be something I needed to deal with but it happens.
It is the price for being awesome.
I mean, Kanye West talks about it ALL the time.
I recently had an encounter like this and I wish I could say that I handled it with grace and took what I needed from it but I DID not. I think I was just surprised and it was a blow to my ego. The tone of the advice also made me want to kick some shins, yo.
I let her have it. I was angry and upset. Who the hell did she think she was? All up in my inbox! And guess what? Some of what she said was actually valid but the delivery prevented me from hearing it.
We had some back and forth and then she said one thing that made me realize something:
She got me. I gave her EVERYTHING she wanted.
I let her take my joy away and I made it WAY too easy for her. She took MY power away. Boy, I learned a lot from that incident.
This might come up in your life. Maybe you have a family member who likes to poke holes in all of your ideas. Maybe you have a friend who gives you the “who DO YOU think you are?” look. Maybe you have a blog reader who delights in fighting with you in the comments and being super picky about things. Maybe you know someone who always has a good point but the delivery sucks.
And it is gonna sting.
Look, here is the deal:
You are reading this right now because you are the type of person who wants to create a life that you can really love.
You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. You really don’t.
Sometimes we think because we do what we do, we owe people an explanation, but we really don’t. People might have problems with what you do and how you do it and that is THEIR business.
I should have said:
“I’m sorry you felt that way, thanks for reaching out.”
We can ONLY do the best we can. We can only do what we do. We can only be devoted to being true to ourselves.
If we try to accommodate people and THEIR issues, we trip up.
Marie Forleo always says this thing about treating every customer with respect and I TOTALLY believe that but we also owe it to ourselves and the work we do to be both respectful and make sure people know that YOU are the boss. Not them.
And we will make mistakes, there will be typos and things will happen but we take care of them the best we can.
We say sorry to the people who TRULY deserve it.
Here is a quick shorthand for knowing when advice or critique is meant for you:
It comes from a place of respect and compassion
You hear it and don’t feel shame but expansiveness. You are eager to make some changes
It comes from clients who have first-hand experience with your brand
So when you start REALLY coming up and showing out, remember this lesson. Re-read this post and hold this to your heart.
“You don’t owe anyone an explanation. You can only be responsible for the vision you have for yourself. Not the one other people have for you.”
How do you feel about this topic? Have you had to deal with haters in your business now? What do YOU do to deal with it?
Don’t forget: CHEESE! is happening over at my facebook page. Yesterday we played with Pinterest. Check it out.